Past Feelings

Past Feelings

It happens now and then that I think back, remembering past times. Times when somehow special events took place. School, for example, was special in a way, in a quite uncomfortable sense.


Last Sunday, I decided to prepare and finalise my thesis for republication, so adding some new stuff and revising already added content. While reading and writing along, I felt like being relegated back to 2008 when I was busy with my thesis. It must have been a quite warm summer. I really don’t know very much about that time, neither what I did nor what happened around me. However, this is something I’m really happy about.

Some situations are nevertheless still present in my mind. It’s hard to describe. A kind of feeling that is left. I vaguely remember the atmosphere. It was sunny outside, quite warm inside, a bit close. I had to keep all curtains and windows closed and I was in a really tight mood. It was silent, such a silent atmosphere as if there was not the slightest breath of wind or live outside. In the evenings when I finally opened the windows, the fresh, cool air poured in. Crickets chirped pleasantly. Wow, that sounds tacky now :) Thinking back and feeling this atmosphere again, it’s so ridiculous what people do or think, how they behave. It was a really hard year where I made many mistakes.

Even though induced by some other incident, there’s one (and only one) thing I did properly back then: On Sunday, 12th October 2008, after a horrible night, I took the first train from down to the South. It was a real surprise for everybody, my family, my grandmother and my mother. This was the most unbelievable and best coincidence ever.

Priorities change; feelings persist — forever. At least my book proposal is submitted now :)